Reader question:

Please explain “missing out”, as in this sentence: I feel like I was missing out in high school, and I feel like I am missing out again in college.

My comments:

For some reason, the speaker failed to take part in, say, group activities in high school and he or she feels they’re failing again, in college.

He or she feels like they’re failing to make the most of school life, failing to take opportunities that are available.

For example?

For example, he or she may be a loner, an introvert and is not a member of any reading club or a sports team.

And when you’re not a member of a group, you, needless to say, do not get to enjoy what members do.

As a result, they’re having fun and you’re not, supposing group activities are nothing but fun.

That’s taking it simply, of course, but you should get an idea.

To feel like missing out, in short, is to feel like missing opportunities that you should take.

Missing out is like missing those opportunities entirely – out, as in, time is running out, down and out, and so on.

Missing out, in other words, feels like losing out, like losing a competition or failing to receive an expected award or something.

Makes you feel like a loser, a loser who’s missing out on life itself.

All right?

All right, no more ado. Here are media examples of people who miss out on this and that:

1. I’m jealous of people who can do normal things, outside. Walks, lunches, dinners, parties, errands, the lot. I’m even jealous of my dog, who always wants to be outside. At 26, I was put on anti-depressants for the first time, and was diagnosed with depression, borderline personality disorder (BPD) and agoraphobia. The first two weren’t that much of a shock – my dad was diagnosed with manic depression when I was 11. My therapist at the time speculated that I had symptoms of BPD, but agoraphobia… that was a new one. Wasn’t that a fear of spiders or something? I had to ask the psychiatrist giving me the diagnosis to explain.

I know now it’s defined as an extreme or irrational fear of entering open or crowded places, leaving home, or being in places from which escape is difficult. Agoraphobia is a misunderstood illness. I have to explain it to a lot of people, especially when I cancel plans, which I am frequently forced to. There isn’t a simple description that’s easy to share, but what I do know is that I’m missing out on my life. I feel sad, looking outside and wishing I could do what my friends do. Why does it control me? What am I scared of?

The condition manifests differently in everyone. Most people that suffer with depression will adopt some sort of avoidance behaviour as a coping mechanism. It’s a vicious cycle. It is debilitating even on my good days, and can lead me to suicidal ideations on my worst. I have developed an irrational fear of being looked at when I am outside, and when it’s bad I can’t leave the house later than 8am – which isn’t that convenient as my local Sainsbury’s doesn’t open until then, and I’m due in the office at 9.30am. If I manage to leave the house on a bad day, I do so wearing a huge black hoodie and cap, with the aim of being as invisible as possible, in order to function outside of my own four walls. The simplest tasks feel completely impossible, and I am confined to my comfort zone – which is supposed to be a nice place, but being trapped in it takes a toll.

- “I Feel Like I’m Missing Out On Life”: What It’s Like To Deal With Crippling Agoraphobia As A Young Woman, by Isabella Brunner, August 5, 2022

2. Tom Hanks has revealed that he’s a big fan of Cher, especially her performance in Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again (also known as Mamma Mia 2).

While on the Graham Norton Show this past weekend with Julia Roberts, Timothée Chalamet and Cher in attendance, the group of stars spoke about being a fan of Cher. When asked by Norton if she listens to her own music, Cher replied: “I’m not a big Cher fan. Usually I like the songs that weren’t hits.” Norton followed up by asking if she watches any of her films, to which she said simply: “No.”

Tom Hanks chimed in, saying “You’re missing out. You’re missing out. Motion picture perfection? Mamma Mia 2.” Hanks grew more animated, getting more excited as he gushed about Cher’s performance of ‘Fernando’ in the film.

“Fernando,” Hanks said. “When she busts out ‘Fernando,’ the world stops. Suns clash with the stars. It’s perfection!”

Hanks then jokingly suggested that everyone leave to watch a Cher movie, saying “I think we should all go to the theater and watch Cher’s movies right now”. Julia Roberts agreed, quipping: “Let’s have a Cher-a-thon!”

Cher most recently released her first-ever Christmas album, ‘Christmas’. The collection features four original songs as well as covers of various holiday classics. Cher is joined on the album – her first in five years – by special guests Stevie Wonder, Michael Bublé, Cyndi Lauper, Tyga and Darlene Love.

- Tom Hanks is a big fan of Cher in ‘Mamma Mia 2’, NME.com, December 5, 2023.

3. Immigration lawyers are worried by a dramatic drop in the number of millionaires receiving so-called golden visas.

The visa category gives wealthy investors residence in New Zealand, but was overhauled in July 2022 to encourage direct investment in local companies.

Since then just 20 people have received the Active Investor Plus visas, down from a couple of hundred a year under the previous scheme.

The approved foreign millionaires had invested $17 million in New Zealand by the end of January – half directly in local companies, the rest in managed funds and the sharemarket.

New Zealand Trade and Enterprise said another 31 applications were under consideration, most from North America and Europe.

That was a change from the previous scheme, which attracted mostly Chinese investors. The change in demographics was due in part to stricter English language requirements.

Immigration lawyer Nick Mason said it was a stark drop and New Zealand was missing out on investment.

“There’s a massive amount of capital that’s not coming into NZ, certainly hundreds of millions if not cracking into the billions.”

He said the new investor category was too difficult to navigate.

“If you have investors looking at options they’re going to go for an easier option, they’re going to go for Canada,” he said.

“Once I’ve explained to them what’s involved they’ve gone cold pretty quickly. It needs to be borne in mind that these people have options and NZ is just one of those.”

The Active Plus golden visa opened in September 2022. Applicants have to invest at least $15m over three years, or $5m if the funds go directly to a New Zealand business.

- NZ missing out, lawyers say as visas for wealthy investors plummet, MZ.co.nz, April 9, 2024.

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About the author:

Zhang Xin is Trainer at chinadaily.com.cn. He has been with China Daily since 1988, when he graduated from Beijing Foreign Studies University. Write him at: zhangxin@chinadaily.com.cn, or raise a question for potential use in a future column.

（作者：張欣   編輯：丹妮）