人生三大錯(cuò)覺(jué)：老師在門(mén)口、手機(jī)在振動(dòng)、他/她喜歡我。

你有過(guò)上面哪種錯(cuò)覺(jué)呢？

即時(shí)社交軟件讓以往現(xiàn)實(shí)戀愛(ài)與網(wǎng)戀的界限變得模糊。

有時(shí)候，昨天加的那個(gè)人，今天就奔了現(xiàn)。

還有時(shí)候是反過(guò)來(lái)：現(xiàn)實(shí)中處得不錯(cuò)，放一個(gè)暑假，就成了網(wǎng)戀。

As we spend more and more of our lives online, inevitably we discover ourselves flirting with people we have never met in real life - you might even call it having a crush.

我們花在網(wǎng)上的時(shí)間越來(lái)越多，自然而然就會(huì)更容易和現(xiàn)實(shí)中沒(méi)見(jiàn)過(guò)的人撩起來(lái)，有人甚至?xí)f(shuō)“我網(wǎng)戀了”。

There’s something about the dynamism of social media that feels both more truthful and more mysterious. You have lots of intimate knowledge of a person but you can’t see them.

社交媒體的運(yùn)行機(jī)制會(huì)讓人覺(jué)得既有非常真實(shí)的一面，也有十分神秘的一面。你知道很多屏幕那頭人的秘密，但你卻從未見(jiàn)過(guò)他/她。

今天我們分享的故事，讓你一窺網(wǎng)戀中的眾多側(cè)面。

看看翻看對(duì)方所有的朋友圈、微博是不是慣例？

以及，是否甜蜜大多相似，磨難各有不同。

01  奔現(xiàn)和買彩票差不多

When we would eventually meet, sometimes it was pure magic, one of these rare times in a life when everything finally seemed to fit together and I felt I'd met my other half. Other times it was… well, less magic, because the spark in the person didn't match the connection we made online.

有時(shí)候和網(wǎng)撩對(duì)象見(jiàn)面會(huì)很有化學(xué)反應(yīng)，這種反應(yīng)一輩子可能都少見(jiàn)，好像一切都很合拍，找到真愛(ài)了的感覺(jué)。不過(guò)有的時(shí)候見(jiàn)面就……呃，沒(méi)那么合適，面對(duì)面的交流還沒(méi)有網(wǎng)聊的時(shí)候有火花四濺的感覺(jué)。

Sometimes the other person and I would feel the same way, whether we were overwhelmed or underwhelmed. Even worse than both of us being disappointed was when one of us would be thrilled while the other was not, which would eventually result in hurt feelings on both sides.

有時(shí)候?qū)Ψ胶臀蚁氲靡粯樱还苁怯斜惑@喜到還是感覺(jué)很無(wú)聊。但比我倆都很失望還要更糟糕的情況是這樣的：我倆其中一位感覺(jué)對(duì)方很不錯(cuò)，但對(duì)方卻無(wú)感。這種情況最終會(huì)傷害雙方。

The first time I met an online love it was magic, and as a longtime romantic I simply assumed it would feel like that every time. So I was shocked when the second time I met someone I had connected with online, there was no magic, no spark, none of what I was so sure would happen because it had happened once before.

我第一次見(jiàn)網(wǎng)友的經(jīng)歷就很棒，非常浪漫，以至于我誤以為網(wǎng)聊奔現(xiàn)都應(yīng)該是這種美好的感覺(jué)。所以第二次奔現(xiàn)的時(shí)候就很幻滅，兩人之間完全沒(méi)有火花，根本不是我之前經(jīng)歷的那種浪漫狀況。

On the bright side, she and I have been good friends ever since. And the few more times I have met someone online and then met in person some time later, the experience has been somewhere in between the first and second times—some spark but not fireworks.

不過(guò)也不完全是壞事兒，我和她后來(lái)成了朋友。后來(lái)幾次我跟人網(wǎng)聊之后再奔現(xiàn)，感覺(jué)都處在最初兩次的感受之間——有點(diǎn)化學(xué)反應(yīng)，但并非一見(jiàn)鐘情。

02  糟糕，被發(fā)現(xiàn)了

Once I had a crush on a guy. From the internet. And I was secretly watching a YouTube video that he had posted. And my finger slipped and I accidentally clicked "like" or "thumbs up" or whatever.

有次我對(duì)一個(gè)網(wǎng)撩的男生有好感。然后我就在網(wǎng)上看他發(fā)的視頻，結(jié)果一不小心手滑，按了贊！

And this was the first time I realized that YouTube was directly, horrifyingly linked to my Gmail. So there was my face, next to a thumbs up of this video that I was secretly, creepily watching. And I freaked out. And was like "Undo! Undo! Undo!!!

那時(shí)我才知道油管賬號(hào)是直接跟我的郵箱綁定的。所以我的郵箱頭像就出現(xiàn)在了視頻底下的“點(diǎn)贊區(qū)”，顯示出我在偷偷看他的視頻。我嚇壞了，瘋狂找：“撤回，有沒(méi)有撤回鍵！”

So then I clicked "thumbs down" thinking that would undo it somehow, but no, obviously that just meant that now my face was on the YouTube video next to a thumbs down icon and it was very embarrassing, and then when we met in real life, I pretended to barely know who he was even though obviously I'd watched his video.

結(jié)果我就點(diǎn)了“踩”……想著應(yīng)該可以抵消那個(gè)贊。但是并沒(méi)有，我的頭像只是從“按贊區(qū)”移動(dòng)到了“按踩區(qū)”，尷尬。之后我和他奔現(xiàn)的時(shí)候，我都裝作不太了解他的樣子，哪怕很顯然我看過(guò)他的視頻。

03  看過(guò)你的歷史，我們才有未來(lái)

I started a new job about a year ago and was surprised to discover that my boss, the editor-in-chief, was a pretty young, kinda hot dude - in a hot dad way. But we never really interact in person since he's not my direct boss.

一年前我換了份新工作，很驚喜地發(fā)現(xiàn)我的上司——也就是主編——還是蠻年輕的帥大叔。但其實(shí)我們并沒(méi)有太多接觸，因?yàn)樗⒉皇俏业闹睂偕纤尽?/p>

But in my first week he started following me on Twitter, which I was really flattered by because he only follows a few hundred people on Twitter. Then I wrote something and he tweeted about it, so I faved that.

但工作的第一周他就在推特上關(guān)注了我，我有點(diǎn)受寵若驚，因?yàn)樗簿完P(guān)注了幾百個(gè)人而已。我發(fā)過(guò)的推文也被他轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)過(guò)，然后我就給他的轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)點(diǎn)了贊。

Then I realized I was favoriting quite a few of his tweets, and then things got weird where I was like faving his tweets on Saturdays, or going back to old tweets and faving those. I think I thought I was being subtle and saying "oh, heyyyyy," except it wasn't subtle at all.

后來(lái)我發(fā)現(xiàn)我給他的很多條推文都點(diǎn)過(guò)贊。之后就越來(lái)越詭異了，周六休息日給他點(diǎn)贊也就算了，我還翻到他的歷史推文里按贊。我內(nèi)心想的是，這是很隱晦的表示“誒，我對(duì)你有意思”。但其實(shí)這么做簡(jiǎn)直昭然若揭啊。

04  朋友的朋友才是中獎(jiǎng)的那個(gè)

In 2009 I befriended a guy whom one of my other friends had gone out with a few times. Once he accepted my Facebook friend request, I naturally went to look at all of his recent photos. In his photos was another guy that caught my attention, so I went and looked at his profile and lurked behind all of his photos. "What a babe," I thought. I was immediately obsessed.

2009年我加了一個(gè)男生，我有個(gè)朋友跟他出去玩兒過(guò)幾次。他剛一接受我的臉書(shū)好友申請(qǐng)，我就自覺(jué)跑到他的相冊(cè)里翻看。照片里有個(gè)男生吸引了我的注意力，然后我就點(diǎn)進(jìn)去看他的主頁(yè)，鬼鬼祟祟地翻看他的照片。“好帥啊”，我心想。我感覺(jué)我戀愛(ài)了。

I decided to take my virtual stalking offline by messaging our mutual friend and not-so-subtly asking for him to hook us up. Go big or go home, right?

我決定到線下去追這個(gè)男生。然后我就給我倆共同的朋友發(fā)了消息，明目張膽地叫他給我倆牽線搭橋。要么就玩大的，要么就別玩，不是嗎？

To make a long story short, yadda yadda yadda, Billy and I got married in December 2013!

總而言之，啦啦啦哈哈哈哈，我和比利在2013年12月完婚啦！

網(wǎng)戀都要奔現(xiàn)，只是時(shí)機(jī)早晚。

不過(guò)很多人都卡在“要不要奔現(xiàn)”的問(wèn)題上，磨磨蹭蹭，時(shí)間一長(zhǎng)，最后把彼此晾成了聯(lián)系人里只在過(guò)年會(huì)“詐尸”的點(diǎn)贊之交。

There is always going to be a divide, however, between our public persona(e)—whether presented via Twitter or Facebook—and who we are in the physical realm.

我們用來(lái)社交的公共人格——無(wú)論是推特還是臉書(shū)上的形象——和現(xiàn)實(shí)中的我們肯定是有區(qū)別的。

On social media, you get all the fun, interesting parts of someone without having to deal with the things that are difficult or dull about them. They are not presenting to you, for the most part—or at least in any way that actually affects you—their idiosyncrasies, emotional unavailability, or the way they chew with their mouth open.

在社媒上，你只會(huì)看到別人生活中有趣好玩的部分，不會(huì)看到他們生活中的困難和乏味。絕大多數(shù)時(shí)候，至少為了不影響到你，他們不會(huì)向你展示他們的小癖好、不愿?jìng)鬟f的情感、以及大聲吧唧嘴的樣子。

If you want my advice, don't avoid making online connections—they can be marvelous experiences while they last. But I would recommend trying to meet each other before your feelings become so intense that you'll be seriously heartbroken if that initial meeting doesn't go well.

如果要我給建議，我會(huì)說(shuō)一定要建立網(wǎng)撩關(guān)系——如果能長(zhǎng)久，那必定是超棒的經(jīng)歷。不過(guò)我也會(huì)建議說(shuō)，盡量在兩人聊得熱火朝天之前就奔現(xiàn)，這么做可以避免過(guò)高的期望值在不甚滿意的初見(jiàn)打擊下碎成一地的情況。

Think of it as having a crush for a long time: you may idealize someone to such an extent that when you finally get to meet them, you can't help but be disappointed by the real person you actually meet.

想想暗戀某個(gè)人很長(zhǎng)一段時(shí)間的體驗(yàn)：你會(huì)把對(duì)方理想化，程度越來(lái)越深。等到最終和對(duì)方奔現(xiàn)的時(shí)候，見(jiàn)到真實(shí)的人，你根本扛不住失望的心情。

奔現(xiàn)最好在好感剛出現(xiàn)沒(méi)多久的時(shí)候，趁熱打鐵。

網(wǎng)聊的時(shí)間過(guò)長(zhǎng)，可用的話題就變少，見(jiàn)面容易尷尬。而且聊得久了，對(duì)彼此的印象就更容易理想化，見(jiàn)面后“見(jiàn)光死”的幾率也大了不少。

怎么樣，要不要約正在撩的人明早出來(lái)喝咖啡？

Notes

flirt /fl??t/ v撩；調(diào)情

creepy /?kri?pi/ adj怪異的；離奇的

fave /fe?v/ n特別喜愛(ài)的人或事物；（此處是動(dòng)詞）點(diǎn)贊

lurk /l??k/ v埋伏；潛伏；（網(wǎng)絡(luò)上）潛水；隱身（閱讀別人的討論但不參與其中）

idiosyncrasy /??di??s??kr?si/ n（個(gè)人特有的）習(xí)性；特征；癖好

chew /t?u?/ v咀嚼；嚼碎

idealize /a??di??la?z/ v將……理想化

編輯：唐曉敏

來(lái)源：Buzzfeed、The Daily Dot、Psychology Today