中國(guó)網(wǎng)站品牌欄目（頻道）
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| 中國(guó)的離婚率近幾年持續(xù)增長(zhǎng)。 |
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Having been selected as a parents' representative at his son's primary school in Shanghai, Wang Huan was invited to make a speech at the opening ceremony for the new semester. As the owner of four companies, Wang, 40, is used to public speaking and handled his duties well. His performance won warm applause from the audience, including his 39-year-old wife and young son. When he went back to his seat, 9-year-old Wang Xiaotian gave his father a close hug and a big kiss. "I am the happiest child in the world," said the little boy as he piled his parents' hands on top of his own. Wang and his wife smiled at each other in a touching family scene that was observed with envy by many other parents. In Xiaotian's eyes, his parents are a wonderful couple. Even after 10 years of marriage, they are always polite to each other and never quarrel, fight, or even raise their voices. However, the little boy has only observed a small part of his parents' relationship and is unaware of the stresses and strains on the relationship caused by an episode that almost led to divorce. Wang's wife quit her job after giving birth, meaning that her husband had to provide for all the family's financial needs. He has given his family the best life he can afford, but his busy work schedule and the expansion of his businesses have inevitably led to him spending less and less time with the family, leading to an estrangement. "I even found it hard to find topics that interested us both," said Wang Huan's wife. She applied to study abroad, hoping to rescue the situation by updating her knowledge and expanding her world view. However, to her surprise, when she returned home full of hope 12 months later, she found a divorce application waiting for her. Wang confessed that he had fallen in love with another woman, but his wife flatly refused to accept the divorce petition, despite the offer of a large sum of money as compensation. Fearing that going to court would affect his son and his business, Wang turned to Shu Xin, a director of the online marriage guidance program Weiqing120 and head of the China Marriage and Family Counseling Center. "Wang's case is very common nowadays," said Shu. "According to our research, more than 60 percent of marriages in China are in seriously 'poor health', a state of affairs indicated by the couples having nothing to say to each other, a lack of passion, extramarital affairs and frequent quarrels about trivial matters. Although people can maintain a troubled relationship, the trials and conflicts can accumulate to a toxic level and easily lead to the marriage collapsing." Shu had long talks with the two women. He discovered that Wang's wife was a pleasant, elegant and knowledgeable woman, who still loved her husband. She was also deeply concerned about the possible impact on the boy if the divorce went through. On the other hand, Wang's lover, in her early 30s, had no idea how to handle a small child or live with an extended family. "I told Wang my thoughts on the two women. My words seemed to remind him of something and he murmured that he would think things over," said Shu. "To further help him make a decision, I asked the women to each write a letter containing the words they most wanted to say to him. Unsurprisingly, Wang was moved to tears after he'd read the letter his wife had written. He told me that they had been forced to overcome great difficulties to get married and had experienced many happy days in the past." The story has a happy ending; Wang's lover agreed to end the affair, but only after he bought her a property. "Thanks to Shu's help I made the right decision. Now I get on well with my wife, just like when we were first married. My son really enjoys the time we spend together," said Wang. Shu said, "It's only when a marriage has descended to a level where there are no words to say and love and sex don't exist anymore, that I will pronounce a death sentence on it. After two decades of research, I realize that most divorces are avoidable, even if the marriage is deeply troubled."
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40歲的王歡在今年三月被推選為學(xué)生家長(zhǎng)代表在兒子新學(xué)年的開學(xué)典禮上發(fā)言。作為一個(gè)四家公司的負(fù)責(zé)人，見慣了大場(chǎng)面的他發(fā)言非常精彩，臺(tái)下報(bào)以熱烈的掌聲，而這其中就有他的妻子李爽和兒子田田。 回到座位上他九歲的兒子田田給了他一個(gè)大大的擁抱，而且高興的說(shuō)自己是世界上最幸福的孩子。坐在爸媽中間的田田把他們的手握在一起放在自己的腿上，王歡和妻子對(duì)視而笑，這一幕讓旁邊很多的家長(zhǎng)艷羨不已。 在田田眼中他的父母就是天生一對(duì)， 因?yàn)殡m然已經(jīng)結(jié)婚十年了但是他們依然相敬如賓，從不爭(zhēng)吵甚至跟對(duì)方特別大聲的講話。但是田田不知道他可能只是注意到了爸爸媽媽關(guān)系中的一部分，并不知道其實(shí)他們也有過(guò)關(guān)系非常緊張的階段甚至差一點(diǎn)離婚。 李爽在田田出生后就辭職做了全職太太照顧家和孩子，家里的所有開支都由丈夫負(fù)責(zé)。男主外女主內(nèi)，一家其樂(lè)融融生活在上海。王歡的生意越做越大，公司也由一個(gè)變成四個(gè)，但與此同時(shí)他回家陪在孩子和妻子身邊的時(shí)間卻越來(lái)越少了。 李爽漸漸發(fā)現(xiàn)除了兒子，他們之間居然找不到都感興趣的話題可以交談下去。她覺得或許是自己長(zhǎng)期在家與社會(huì)脫節(jié)導(dǎo)致的，為了緩解這種尷尬的局面，她申請(qǐng)去國(guó)外充電。 一年期滿，正當(dāng)她滿心歡喜回國(guó)的時(shí)候，迎來(lái)的卻不是丈夫的熱情，而是一紙冰冷的離婚協(xié)議書。王歡承認(rèn)他愛上了另外一個(gè)女人。 盡管王歡承諾只要李爽同意離婚他會(huì)給她一大筆錢作為補(bǔ)償，但是李爽還是堅(jiān)決不簽字。 害怕鬧到法庭會(huì)影響到孩子和自己的生意，王歡找到維情網(wǎng)負(fù)責(zé)人，中國(guó)婚姻家庭咨詢服務(wù)研究中心主任，婚姻情感問(wèn)題處理專家舒心老師幫忙。 “像王先生這種情況現(xiàn)在社會(huì)上很普遍。 據(jù)我們中心的統(tǒng)計(jì)數(shù)據(jù)顯示目前我國(guó)60%的婚姻都處在嚴(yán)重的亞健康狀態(tài)。這些家庭的夫妻雙方“無(wú)話可說(shuō)”或“缺乏熱情”，出現(xiàn)婚外情，但又沒有惡化到婚姻破裂的地步。其實(shí)這是一種潛在的婚姻危機(jī)，一旦處理不當(dāng)便會(huì)導(dǎo)致家庭破?！笔嫘慕榻B說(shuō)。 舒心分別跟李爽和另外那個(gè)女人進(jìn)行了長(zhǎng)談。長(zhǎng)談之后舒心發(fā)現(xiàn)王歡的妻子好多方面其實(shí)都占優(yōu)。說(shuō)話得體、學(xué)歷高、人很漂亮也很有氣質(zhì)，更主要的是她深深的愛著丈夫和孩子。而另一個(gè)女人顯然也是陷入熱戀之中，但是對(duì)未來(lái)特別是要當(dāng)一個(gè)九歲孩子的媽媽毫無(wú)準(zhǔn)備。 舒心說(shuō)，他把自己對(duì)兩個(gè)女人的看法完完整整的告訴了王歡。為了幫助他做決定，舒心還讓兩個(gè)人同時(shí)給王歡寫封信里面是最想對(duì)他說(shuō)的話。 “如我所料，王歡在看了妻子的信后哭著說(shuō)我都忘了我們?cè)?jīng)有那么多美好的日子，我們走到一起多么不容易?！笔嫘恼f(shuō)，“他們的結(jié)局不錯(cuò)，王最終選擇回歸家庭，給了女孩一套房子作為補(bǔ)償?！?/p> “我跟妻子又找回了剛結(jié)婚時(shí)的感覺。現(xiàn)在有空我們就一起出去玩，兒子特別喜歡我們?nèi)谠谝黄?。”王歡說(shuō)舒老師幫了他的大忙，讓他的婚姻起死回生。 但是舒心認(rèn)為，那是因?yàn)樗幕橐鲞€沒到非離不可的程度，他只是從中起到了潤(rùn)滑劑的作用。在舒心看來(lái)除了一個(gè)婚姻同時(shí)滿足“無(wú)性”、“無(wú)愛”、“無(wú)話”的三個(gè)標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，絕大部分的離婚如果婚姻當(dāng)事人通過(guò)科學(xué)咨詢和服務(wù)干預(yù)后，其實(shí)都是可以挽救的。 |
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